Being in recovery from my eating disorder has made me a very boring person, unfortunately.
Suddenly, I am terrified to cook. I am scared to cook because everything I like to cook, or bake, or, um, flambé? now seems like it contains a million and one CALORIES, and oh my God, of course eating that will kill me. I like plain things where I can gauge the calories, or prepackaged things where they are written out there for me.
Calorie counting, needless to say, is something I’m working on. My nutritionist gave me a meal plan to follow to help regulate my eating habits (which is something I need, considering starving all day and then binging at night is not really “healthy eating”), and I had to stop adding up the calories because it was DRIVING. ME. INSANE. It turns out my (twisted, eating disordered) opinions about what I need to maintain my weight are different from my (healthy, university-trained) nutritionist’s. BIG SURPRISE.
Right now I have been doing okay, not really using eating disorder behaviors, except, well, I can’t do parties. Parties are total triggers for me at the moment, and so I finally decided to avoid them.
This is how boring my life is. I have to say no to parties. I eat on a schedule. I spend three hours three nights a week in intensive outpatient therapy group, one hour once a week at my nutritionist, and one hour a week at my therapist’s. I am devoting a huge chunk of my time (and money; more on that later) to my recovery.
Needless to say, this is preferable than spending that same time and money on my eating disorder.